Start the conversation that you need to…
There is a reason why people are comfortable talking about the weather to pretty much anyone.
It’s because that conversation has no substance. You both know full well what the weather is like, you’re both there experiencing it. Discussing it isn’t going to change it, it’s not going to educate either one of you. It’s just going to pass the time so that things aren’t awkward and you aren’t forced into talking about anything with more depth.
Even with people you know and trust and care about, sometimes – in fact, a lot of the time – all you want to talk about is the superficial things, the subjects that won’t come too close to home.
The truth is that the most difficult things to talk about are the ones that you really need to be speaking aloud.
They’re the things that hurt you, that scare you. The things that worry you, the things that keep you up at night because all the unanswered questions and paranoid theories keep swirling around your mind, like a vortex of fearful conjecture.
They’re the hardest to talk about because, in order to discuss them with others, you have to admit that they make you feel vulnerable. You’re exposing something that you’re sensitive about to another human being.
No matter how strong your connection to another person might be, there’s always going to be some small level of anxiety telling you not to bother them. Telling you that they don’t need your problems. That it’s not that important anyway, that you can deal with it without bothering someone else. Maybe it’ll even get cruel enough to tell you they’ll mock you for your worry.
But the peace of mind you’ll get once you’ve talked about your problems is so, so worth the effort it takes to ignore that terrified voice within.
For a start, discussing whatever’s bothering you with someone else – even when the problem has nothing to do with them – can give you a good outside perspective on the matter. They’ll approach it in a way that, stuck in the middle of it all, likely won’t think to. Their advice could be key to helping you out of the hole. It might not even take advice – maybe they’ll just ask the right questions or make the right offhand comments to help you see things in a different light and figure the way out on your own. Getting an alternate viewpoint can change everything.
But that’s not the only benefit. You might not even need their opinion to figure out whatever you need to figure out.
There’s a good chance that all the answers are already there inside your head, you just need to see them.
When everything is complicated and messy, it’s hard to know where to begin to get through it all. But saying things aloud – even if it’s just to an empty room, to the mirror – forces you to structure your thoughts. You have to put everything in the right order. Doing that makes things a little clearer and, even if you need to waffle for a bit before you get to any real conclusions, it will help to ease the stress the uncertainty causes.
Getting it all out of you will relieve you in a way you won’t imagine beforehand. Bottling it up and keeping it in will only make the negativity fester in your mind.
Author Bio – Kirstie Summers is journalist whose day job takes her to all the most interesting places and events in South London. She also freelances for a number of sites and publications, from gaming and literature reviews to creative fiction. She lives in London and spends as much of her free time as possible making the most of being in such a diverse city. She keeps one day a week to herself to swim, relax and keep the stress of the world at bay.