people-you-dont-need-in-your-lifeIt’s something of an extreme measure to even consider cutting someone out of your life forever. Even if they fell into your life entirely at random, they’ve stuck around for a reason. Whether or not that reason works for both of you is another matter.

Some people aren’t nice.

Some people don’t realise that they’re not nice to those around. Sometimes, it’s enough just to talk to them about the problems you’re having. They’ll realise how their behaviour has affected you and they’ll care enough to come to a compromise.

Other times, you’re not so lucky. You have to face the fact they don’t care about you like you thought they did. You might even have to give up on people who don’t respect you as much as you deserve.

Whatever the outcome is, it’s worth talking to people if you feel like they don’t care when they disregard you. It’s worth keeping an eye out for the kind of people who act like you don’t matter before you get too attached to them

PEOPLE WHO ONLY LIKE YOU WHEN THEY’RE GETTING SOMETHING OUT OF YOU

If someone is always up for inviting you out when they think you’ll be paying for their dinner, but is conveniently busy when you’re broke, is it really your personality that they’re interested in? Or are they using you for your money? Think about whether or not they care about you when you’re not giving them stuff or running after them.

PEOPLE WHO WON’T ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE

If someone is brave enough to confront you about an issue they have with you, be respectful enough to consider it fairly. If someone thinks your brutal honesty is more brutal than honest, take their comments into account next time you desperately need to tell someone what they smell like. But if someone doesn’t understand something that is part of who you are, if they spend a chunk of the time trying to change you, then all it shows is that they don’t respect your right to be your own person.

PEOPLE WHO WON’T EMPATHISE

It’s a mark of a good friend that they’ll be a shoulder to cry on when you need one. They’ll listen to you vent until you’ve got no energy left and they’ll help you pick yourself up again. If someone won’t take the time to understand how you feel when things are difficult for you, they’re showing how little they really care about you.

PEOPLE WHO WON’T GIVE AS MUCH AS THEY TAKE

The key word in this one is “won’t” – in fact, it is for all these points. If someone is struggling to pay the rent, it’s not particularly generous of you to expect an expensive birthday present from them, even if you really splashed out on them. But anyone who has the means to treat you in the same way you treat them – whether that’s with something physical like money or gifts, or with less material things, such as time and effort and honesty – but still chooses not to is not someone who doesn’t appreciate you as a person.

PEOPLE WHO WON’T TELL YOU THE TRUTH

Even the small, seemingly unimportant things can be a warning sign. If someone tells you they’re an only child when you know they have five sisters, how can you trust anything they say? How can you trust them when they say they care about you? How can you trust them to be there for you when you need them? There are times when it can be difficult to be honest, but the people who make the effort to overcome those hurdles are the ones who are always going to matter most.

PEOPLE WHO NEVER REACH OUT TO YOU

Any relationship needs to be a two way street in order to function properly. If you find yourself doing all the work – making every arrangement to spend time together, always being the one who starts conversations, always being the one who has to do all the boring bits before either of you have fun – then that’s another sign that someone is using you. If someone is happy to never speak to you if you don’t message them first every time, they don’t value you.

PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOUR PROBLEMS WORSE

The point of having other people in your life, when it comes down to it, is to ease the pressures of life. Their presence means you have someone to talk to when things get rough, you have someone to celebrate with when things are good, you have someone to be with when you’re not sure what else you want to do. You have other minds and perspectives to help you solve your problems. If someone’s presence actively exacerbates something that hurts you, then you need to think about what’s best for you and whether or not they’re worth the pain.

Kirstie Summers,

Daily Zen.

Author Bio – Kirstie Summers is journalist whose day job takes her to all the most interesting places and events in South London. She also freelances for a number of sites and publications, from gaming and literature reviews to creative fiction. She lives in London and spends as much of her free time as possible making the most of being in such a diverse city. She keeps one day a week to herself to swim, relax and keep the stress of the world at bay.

1 Comment

  • Yep … there is only so much time in the day.

    I met someone at the charity bookshop where I volunteer once a week and discovered we had quite a few mutual interests so we would meet after work for a coffee or a drink. I’m a very open person but find that he just doesn’t discuss ANYTHING personal: family, personal history, relationships and even though we meet for an hour or so it’s become an effort and I’ve even made excuses to skip when I feel I can’t keep on sharing and get nothing back.

    So, great advice! Sometimes we just have to limit how much of our daily energy we want to give out for no return and have to do so judiciously.

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