It is a normal human drive to feel the need to seek answers when you feel like you’ve been left with nothing but a lot of loose ends. It feels like you’ve left things unfinished, like there’s more you need to do.
In some cases, that feeling is very valid.
There are some things that absolutely need resolving before you carry on with your life. Some things really will haunt you if you don’t clear them thoroughly in your head and, no matter how determined you are to move on, you won’t be able to change that.
But the ache for closure can sometimes do more harm than good.
Sometimes, getting what you want it doesn’t solve anything.
The need for closure forces people to dwell on the past instead of carrying on with their future. People get so upset over the things they don’t know that they get paranoid. They obsess over the people who hurt them and get entangled, for far longer than they can handle, in situations that only serve to harm them more.
Getting closure from a difficult situation can genuinely be a great help to your future. Knowing why something didn’t work can help you to grow.
You can learn from it. You can protect yourself against making the same mistakes in future. You can identify where you went wrong, where you couldn’t have done anything more and you can apply that knowledge to other situations you come across.
But closure isn’t always what it’s cracked up to – especially when it comes to the need to understand fickle human behaviour.
Knowing why someone hurt you won’t change how much it hurts.
It won’t stop it from having happened. It won’t hurt any less.
You’ll just have a deeper understand of how selfish and uncaring some people can be. For no good reason.
It won’t help you. It probably won’t make you feel any better.
It is true that sometimes closure is simply impossible.
Often, answering one question just leads to more questions that you need to ask. If someone gives a genuine, understandable reason for making you suffer – even if that wasn’t their intention – then it’ll only make you wonder why that reason was good enough to hurt you enough that it’s caused such lasting damage.
Even when you get exactly the answer that you’re looking for, you might realise that it wasn’t worth any of the time or effort you spent trying to get.
In fact, you’ll likely find that that happens more than any other end result.
Usually, it will work out better for everyone involved to just move on, to forget the loose ends. Let them go, accept that that knowledge you’ll gain won’t bring you any kind of satisfaction.
Go and worry about something more important.
Author Bio – Kirstie Summers is journalist whose day job takes her to all the most interesting places and events in South London. She also freelances for a number of sites and publications, from gaming and literature reviews to creative fiction. She lives in London and spends as much of her free time as possible making the most of being in such a diverse city. She keeps one day a week to herself to swim, relax and keep the stress of the world at bay.