A morning of Waking up just seconds before my alarm , getting the kids ready for school, serving them breakfast and then walking them to school.
An afternoon of well accomplished household chores, a workout in the gym , preparing lunch.
An evening consisting of extra curricular activities for the children, sitting with them for homework.
Finally serving dinner and making sure the kids are in bed at the correct time .
This was my routine, one could set their watch as my precision was so accurate.
If by any chance even one thing did not go as planned, I would give in to anger . Everything had to be on dot as per my decided schedule.
Control was my second name. Fear of not being enough would engulf if I did not put in my best efforts in any given task. Many a times I was rushing and spreading myself thin to bring about the perfect endings. Frequently I was hiding my true personality for the fear of being judged.
“I was brought up like that” that’s the reasoning I would give to pacify myself.
I had taken it upon myself to make this world go round.
Soon in a turn of some events, I found myself amidst confusion and frustration because in spite of my best efforts things weren’t going as they should have!
There had to be an answer to this process. This is when I started searching for meaning of life.
My highly organised life was still falling short of perfection!
At this point soul- searching began.
I wanted the satiated feeling that one gets after achieving their goals, but all I felt was that happiness was lying at some other place and when I reach there I will be fulfilled!
As it happens in India, the land of spirituality and yoga, when you go looking for one Guru, you will find aplenty.
Now I had to choose the right one for me. So I listened to many lectures and discourses . I wasn’t sure whose path was best suited for me and mind began playing the perfection game once again.
This time I was more aware and truthfully , the preachings had helped. In fact the wide variety to teachers that I had listened to had different points to make and to choose one seemed like a Herculean task.
I was vacillating between religious and spiritual teachings .
I had been tricked by my mind again because it was conditioned on being successful and perfectionism.
Feeling dejected with not being able to come to a conclusion, my head cried out ENOUGH!’ ‘Stop struggling !’ And just like that I found my moment of Awakening . One fine day , I decided to give up the struggle of making a correct decision about everything and let Life take it’s own course.
And that is what Surrender is all about.
It is not a passive submission to life as many people interpret it to be!
On the contrary it is all about being actively involved in your daily chores and routine with enthusiasm about the ‘act of doing ‘ alone.
Surrender means not being attached to the outcome of your actions.
Most of the times we act only after weighing the outcomes . But if you look at it deeply you will realise that the chances of any outcome to be true are only 50%
So we unnecessarily keep contemplating the results that our actions are going to bring about. We actually have no control on what happens after we have done our part.
So I found it very liberating to know that I do not control what happens in this world.
All I can control is my State of mind and contribute to my own happiness.
Imagine a place where you are only concerned with doing, but doing to the best of your potential. No half heartedness because working from a place of surrender is like Devotion.
When we are devoted we engage ourselves fully in the act . We take care to do the best that we can . We just need to keep an open and positive outlook towards the future.
Living with thoughts targeted too much upon future is a fertile ground to germinate anxiety and depression.
All outcomes are in the future that we have no control over.
The biggest message of the Great Bhagvad Gita is also the same –
‘Do your deeds and detach yourself from the fruits that your actions may bear.’
Just do what is right for you without attaching yourself with the possible consequences.
Now, I am like a free bird who is exploring the skies with excitement and enthusiasm . Being fully present , aware and savouring the unfolding of all moments of my life fills me with ecstatic pleasure. I steer clear of any thoughts which lead me to exercise command any authority over the end result.
In other words it’s like being devoted to your life .
The greatest gift that life gave me upon embracing spirituality is – surrender!
The art of letting go – of what doesn’t serve your higher purpose on this Life path.
Aptly put in one sentence-
When you stop Struggling, you Float, that’s the Law.
Author Bio – Dimple Ahluwalia loves to give out love. A wife and a mother of two, she loves to read , cook and have fun with family and friends. Strict parenting had inculcated a lot of fear and pressure to perform which in turn made her a hard to love kind of a person. Embracing spirituality softened her and brought about healthy well being for her. She regularly writes at Dimpyswrite.