Untitkjgjfgkhfled-1You’re hurt. You have been wronged.

And you are mad.

You want vengeance for the slight against you. You are angry and you are prepared to fight for your honour back and you are Batman.

You want to hit something and you want it to have the face of whoever has made you feel like this.

But you can’t really go around hitting people who annoy you. It’s a bad habit to cultivate. It means you’re not in control of your anger, it can get you a smack back off someone bigger than you, or it can get you arrested.

And you’re not really that violent a person anyway.

So you find something else to take your anger out on. You want something to suffer. You stamp on their watch, or you throw the last gift they bought you at the wall, or drop a photo of them off the roof of your house and watch it shatter in the dirt below.

And you feel immediately better.

Watching something that represents them explode into tiny shards releases a huge chunk of the negative feelings you had. Especially if it’s bad energy you’ve been holding onto for a long time, something that has been building up inside, maybe undetected, until now. Now that that’s gone, you feel so much better.

You’re more relaxed, you’re happier, you’re calmer. You don’t feel powerless any more.

But did it actually fix anything? Did you solve your problem? Did the person who hurt you make amends for what they did?

Or did you just throw an empty, hurtful gesture back at them?

Look around you. You have to clean this mess up. There are bits of broken junk all over the floor that no one else is going to get rid of. You have to admit that you broke that thing, because you were angry and you didn’t know how to control that emotion.

You can make up some reason about being stressed or being sick of their nonsense. But you can’t pretend that anyone thinks this is the proper way to go about making things better.

If you’re too busy glowing with the relief of having finally done something, wait a moment. Start cleaning up the pieces of whatever you destroyed. Then you’ll feel silly. Now you’re wasting your own time tidying something that didn’t need tidying before.

And nothing has changed.

You still haven’t spoken to the person bothering you. They don’t know what you did – they haven’t learned their lesson because of it. And when you finally talk to them, they probably won’t. It’s very unlikely that they’ll see your random act of destruction as a legitimate retaliation to whatever they’ve done.

Really, it’ll probably make things worse, once they find out.

Unless you’re going to lie to them.

Which will also probably makes things worse.

Now, all you’ve got is less leverage. The conversation – or argument – awaiting you has just got ten times harder. Before, you could say that you did not deserve to be treated like that. Now, you’re a petty vandal.

Be better than that.

You owe it to yourself.

Kirstie Summers,

Daily Zen.