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It’s all very well being on top of the world’s little stresses – filling your spare time with charity and pot plants and yoga, seeing every problem as a bearable challenge, remembering to take the time to breathe and reflect… But sometimes there is nothing you can do to avoid the inevitable pain that life can throw at you.

Some things really never can be dodged, and people get stuck with grief that lingers forever. Jobs get lost, people die, and the repercussions rippled inexorably outwards through the hearts of those caught up in the chaos. When these things happen, it can seem like nothing can pull you out of the downward cycle that only ever ends in junk food and self-pity.

And sometimes a little bit of self-indulgent mourning is good for the soul. Sometimes, allowing yourself a while to grieve, weeping and isolated, is the best way to vent your negative emotions. But to then let them take over your life is the most damaging thing you can possibly do.

Once you’ve vented the worst of it and you feel, even for the briefest moment, ready to face the real world again – stop. Relax. Take some deep, soothing breaths. Forget for a moment all the emotional trauma you’re going through.

And try to evaluate your situation.

Try to be rational and logical. Ignore the fact that the situation hurt your feelings and focus on how it’s hurting the rest of your life – whether you’re suffering at work, or you’re bored of your hobbies, or if your friends and family are starting to worry about you. Step away from your emotions and think objectively.

CAN I DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE MY SITUATION?

Yes. – Great. Make a list. Organise your mind in whatever way suits you best. Just find those solutions that will get you out of your funk and get to work on them right away. You’ll feel productive and proactive and you’ll be taking the first imperative steps in moving on. Without deciding on that yes, there’s no getting on with your life.

No.That sucks. Really, I’m sorry to hear that. But, as tough as it may be to hear, if there’s really nothing you can do, how is moping going to make your life any better? Get back to doing the things that fulfilled you before and get back in touch with what you love. And it won’t be long before you’re back on track. Otherwise, you’ll only let the rotten feelings of one bad event infect and putrefy the rest of your life. Nothing is worth that.

Of course it’s hard. Life just is, and there’s no escaping that.

But all things come to an end, and that includes every trouble you will ever face. If something is still bothering you, all it means is that this part of your story isn’t over yet.

But it will be.

Kirstie Summers,

Daily Zen.

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